Chemo#2 Day 5

My jaw is what hurts today!!! It is like a VERY sore muscle that aches but the ache is in my entire lower jaw bone. It is not a sharp pain, but rather a dull, nagging, draining kind of pain. It seems to be irritated the more that I talk so I guess all the talking I did today at work did not help it any. But what can I do, become mute several days during every chemo treatment? Yah right.

I had my 2nd neupogen shot a little while ago. How I HATE shots!!! Have I mentioned this before? I am sure I have. But I did not feel it - yah! I knew the nerves that have yet to heal from my last surgery would come in handy at some point.

I am so tired right now but I am afraid that I will have a BAD nights sleep as I did last night. No matter which way I was laying last night, there was some sort of pressure being applied to my jaw and that is what made is to terrible. It is a horrible thing - to be tired and not be able to sleep. So that is why I have not attempted to lay down yet.

I hope that day 6 will be better than today. Just as today was better than Monday, I think :-). Only 53 days (1 month, 22 days) until my half way point or my graduation from chemo if I'm lucky.

I feel like I am running a marathon that I never trained or even signed up for and I have to keep the finish line in mind no matter how unprepared I am. I have to run, it is not an option. I was not given the choice. I was left out of the decision making process. What lies inbetween the start and the finish will come and go quickly (I hope) but it is completing the race that needs to be my main focus at all times. There is no looking back. I run for my husband. my daughters, my parents, my sisters, my aunts, my uncles, my cousins, my distant relatives, my extended family, my friends, my collegues, my students, and for those that I have yet to meet. I run for all those that love and care about me. I can only HOPE and PRAY and have FAITH that the prize for running this ultimate race is my LIFE!!! For that I would run forever.